Take this with you

  • Turn “I can’t” into the precise point where the learner became stuck.
  • Give the smallest useful prompt and ask for another attempt.
  • Track changes in the work, not labels about the child.
  • Pause and seek support when difficulty is persistent or strongly distressing.

First, find out what “I can’t” means

“I can’t” can mean several things: I do not understand the instruction, I cannot remember the first step, I am afraid of making a mistake, or I am already tired. Instead of replying that the task is easy or immediately explaining everything, pause at the specific point of difficulty. Ask your child to show the last part they understand and identify where the task stopped being clear. This is not a diagnosis. It is a way to turn a broad statement into a problem that can be worked on.

The wider challenge is real, but the figures need careful interpretation. In PISA 2025, half of Polish fifteen-year-olds reported putting in extra effort when work became difficult, compared with 56% across the European Union and 60% across OECD countries. Poland was at the bottom of the persistence scale together with Slovenia. These are self-reports from fifteen-year-olds in a population study, not a judgement about an individual learner or proof that one home technique will improve results.

Ask three questions before giving the answer

IBE recommends a metacognitive scaffold: ask “What do you already know?”, then “Where exactly are you stuck?” and “What could the first step be?”. Families can use the same sequence with one real homework task. If the learner cannot answer, make the question smaller: ask them to underline the information in the instruction, name a rule they might need, or choose between two possible starting points. A prompt should start action rather than replace thinking.

For a mathematics problem, do not supply the calculation immediately. Ask the learner to say what the problem is looking for, mark the known numbers and choose an operation. For a text question, do not provide an interpretation; ask them to find the sentence that best supports a first answer. After the smallest useful prompt, the learner completes one step independently. If they are still stuck, add another prompt. Each piece of help should be followed by another independent attempt.

Build a short ladder of difficulty

IBE describes four useful levels: an example with full support, a similar task with a prompt, a task without a prompt, and using the skill in a new situation. Families do not need to complete all four in one evening. When a method is new, work through one example together and then offer a very similar one. If the learner completes that second step, stopping there may be more useful than adding a long series of exercises.

The ladder does not lower the goal; it adjusts the amount of support. Say which level you are using: “We will do this example together, and on the next one I will only help you start.” This gives help a clear boundary and lets the learner know what to expect. If repeated attempts always break down at the same point, keep one example and show it to the teacher. That is more informative than saying only that the learner is “bad at mathematics”.

Make feedback lead to a correction

After an error, do not end with the verdict “wrong”. Ask for one action: correct the mistaken step, rewrite one sentence, or solve a similar example. IBE calls this the “one more attempt” rule. Its purpose is to make feedback produce action. It does not mean repeating the task indefinitely. Agree on a reasonable limit in advance, such as one correction followed by a short note about what worked differently this time.

Describe the change in performance instead of labelling the child. “At first you needed three prompts, and now you need one” is more useful than “you are clever” or “you must be more persistent”. You can record how many steps were completed independently, what kind of prompt was needed, or when the learner noticed an error. This record is not a grade and should not become another monitoring chart. Its purpose is to make specific progress visible.

Test the plan for a week and keep clear limits

Choose one subject and one response to “I can’t”. For one week, the adult asks the three questions, gives the smallest useful prompt and leaves room for one more attempt. After several days, discuss which question helped, when the prompt was too large, and when the task was simply poorly matched or the learner was too tired. Change one element at a time. This plan is our editorial way of applying IBE guidance, not a guaranteed method or a substitute for teaching.

Persistence does not mean working through every warning sign. Stop when tension keeps rising, the learner no longer understands successive instructions, or study is cutting into sleep. If the same difficulty appears regularly across tasks, causes strong distress, or always requires an adult to complete the work, collect two or three examples and discuss them with the teacher, class tutor or school specialist. The aim is a better next step, not proving that the child should manage everything alone.

Sources & further reading

Prepared with AI assistance using the sources below. Editorial standards ↗